In an eagerly awaited press release this morning, after their recent blow of failing to land Saucony as their headline sponsor for the 5000mileproject the Lowries proudly unveiled their latest (and only) outdoor apparel sponsor amidst a celebrity-studded gala. Working between the press packs and gliterazzi, a veritable who’s who of popular media and sporting folklore, the demure, bedazzled couple gingerly took to the stage to address the assembled masses. As a caucophony of nikon D4 camera clicks intensified and the din of Europa reached a soaring crescendo the couple cast off their old sailing smocks to reveal their new sponsor . . . “God”!
To the shock of the audience the couple revealed the latest high tech fabric offering from the stable of renowned fashion house and sports apparel debutant, “God”. The fabrics, being trialled by the Lowries for release later in the year 15000 BC will go under the brand of “Skin”.
Dumbstuck, the audience was brought to attention by master of ceremonies and CEO of God, God, who explained the idea behind the latest range, “well, we are always looking to lead innovation in the market for lightwieght, durable and sassy outdoor clothing, and with this latest offering we feel confident we have not only created something for leading athletes but also a fabric we think that the general public will adopt too…..”.
The floor errupted with feverish hacks firing questions, as the abashed couple showed off their body hugging “skins”, and for a moment it seemed like the press release would have to be curtailed. At the height of the disturbance was the bundling arrest of the “Gods” Chief of Innovation, Mr. Ther Natre, brought down by two plain clothes policemen from the Met in a blind side rugby tackle; he had been mistakenly identified as a streaker. Further embarassment was narrowly avoided as the Executive was released without charge following intervention of God, who rughtly explained that his henchman was merely trialling the new product to the Launch event.
Back at the Launch, the “Skin” founder answered as many questions as could be fielded amongst the mayhem. He outlined a special new feature of the product “we are especially excited because fo the fabrics abilitiy to breath whilst remaining 100% watertight, without needing any wash-in products in the garments post-life, which are often as effective as the much renowned “chocolate fireguard” relaeased sometime ago by other, much lesser competitors’ labs”.
When questioned by a reporter from the popular “Running, Running nuthing but lycra-clad weirdo bleeping runners” Magazine, the Lowries confirmed that the product did exactly what it said on the tin “We love it, it does exactly what it says on the tin” they said,” its early days but we love the free feeling it gives, its ecologically sound which is critical for us, and we are delighted to work with this renowned company who share our passion for the natural world”.
When pressed on the technical efficacy of the product the couple did conceed that some sections of the hands and feet did tend to absorb a little water but that these were ,merely teething problems which the company assured then would be resolved by the 27th July.
The Lowries, due to embark on their record 5000 Mile run in July 2012 are still looking for other sponsors to compliment their new “skins”, especially in categories of “Clothing that actually hides your bits” and “footwear that doesn’t leak” and would be keen to hear from any interested parties, please hit the contact us section of their website, www.5000mileproject.org